Rough Seas

So this week has been a little harder for me than I foresaw. My plan had been to use this week (which is my spring break off from school) to write a ton, and exercise a ton, and really eat well. See...when I'm at school, my food choices are really limited. Everything I take with me has to be able to last for hours in my backpack without refrigeration and without getting smooshed. So I was excited to be able to take this week to cook my meals fresh and really get my good eating habits rolling.

For the most part I've done okay...when I've been home. All of my friends came home for their spring breaks, you see, and they all wanted to go out and hang. I didn't know how long till I could see them again, so I didn't want to say no. Between socializations and running errands with my mother I've been out of the house a lot, and had to make some out of the house eating habits.

Eating out...is fucking confusing, and hard. Full of temptation. To take the steps to walk to the salad place when it's right next to the pizza place, takes a lot of willpower. I did really good when I was with my mother, because we supported each other. Usually I find out where we're going to eat ahead of time, and look up the menus online and find the healthiest thing I can. It helps cut through temptation when you walk into a restaurant with a gameplan. But last night I didn't do so good. Mostly because I was caught by surprise.

A friend of mine won free tickets to see a musician we both liked. She was under the impression that the show started at 7. But upon arriving at the bar we were informed that the doors didn't even open until 8.30. I'd made sure to eat right before I left, thinking I'd be home around 10 and have time for a glass of v8 or a cup of cottage cheese before bed. My friend and I tried not to get any food. But after a half hour it felt awkward sitting at the bar table with only waters, and watching all the people around us eating made us think we were hungry.

I'm not going to lie here. The bar had healthier choices. There were salads and veggie burgers. I had no excuse. But I wasn't thinking about my diet. I was thinking about how I was soaked from the rain, uncomfortable on the crappy barstool, and annoyed about the time mix-up. It was a perfect storm of emotions and I cracked. I ordered a burger with a side of fries. I did at least take the top of the bun off and eat my burger open-faced. And I only ate half the fries. But they sat heavily in my stomach when my conscious caught up with me later.

I feel like I redeemed myself a little today. I babysat three boys all day, watched them eat breaded chicken patties, and tasty cakes and cheese puffs. I did have a moment of weakness, but it could have been worse than it was. The news about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan hit me very hard. One of my best friends is at the Temple University Campus there. I got a hold of him this morning and he was fine, but then throughout the day there was all this additional information coming in that kept making me really nervous. I had a brought a bag of Quaker Rice Cakes with me, they're a really great low-carb snack, and my nerves lead me to eat the whole bag, which had 3 servings in it. But I guess it was better that I nervously ate my low carb food, than nervously nibbled from the tin of cookies and brownies that were on the kitchen table.

So this week was filled with some rough waves that knocked me around a bit. But what I'm proud about is that I didn't go into self-destruct mode the minute I ate something I shouldn't. That's usually what happens. I'm the model of healthy eating for a month...and then I falter...and instead of picking myself up and saying tomorrow is a new day, I throw a pity party and invite ice cream and pizza along. Not this time. I had a couple bad days, but I will move past them. *Nods with enthusiasm as I take I bite of my baked chicken and carrots*